I finished the last tutorial feeling confident that I could carry this through but within a few days, I lost my way again. It is so frustrating that I keep seeing flashes in my minds eye, but nothing clear or true seems to present itself.

The only narrative device that seems want to express itself is one of cause and effect but I can’t help feeling this is not enough. But the more I prevaricate and tread water, the harder resolving this dilemma becomes.

I really enjoyed the film title project last year and I keep getting pulled back to that. But every thread of a idea so far, seems trite, banal and cliché and just not “me”. The story of the design process is the only I seem to have that has any merit but I don’t know how to begin?

Thinking about the last tutorial of semester A. I waited all day to finally show a little more than a pile of pictures which all seem to be leading somewhere, but I don’t know where or what that is ?

Are they triggers that when seen in a certain order, will allow me to express myself in a way that finally feels right ?

The best guess idea I can come up with is that these are all clues and flashes of inspiration that reflect who I am and what I am. I think the comment made by one of the other students (Jake) was very insightful, he said it was like I’m exploring the or trying to show the philosophy of design. I think this is true and I’m looking for the “rules” that govern design, when in actual fact, they don’t as such exist. How do I show my “aesthetic” when I don’t know if I have one?

Ok, so I know that all this is leading somewhere and that I do have the potential within me to produce work of the required standard and that it will be pictorial rather than graphical or textual (well they keep saying play to your strengths).

Fonts don’t inspire me, logos don’t inspire me, layouts don’t inspire me (but at least make sense), but narrative does. If only I knew what the story was I wanted to tell?

The closest idea I can come up with is one that reflects or illustrates the process of design, how inspiration – cause and effect – demonstrates my “skills”. Everyone like the stop motion animation mpeg but I have no confidence to take that forward. I can’t see if the “films” should be an advert for me, hosted on a website. Or is it in fact a website that hosts bits of me in flash/web animation or stills or whatever.